VIRGINIA TECH

Such a tragic loss of life. How difficult it must be for those close to the victims to have to find a way to cope with this sad event. Even more so, for the parents of the wrongdoer. For those directly confronted with this incident, let's hope the mental anguish they suffer, will subside with time.

ANOTHER EASTER SUNDAY

And once again, Bob arose from the ............bed.


Remember my neighbor from hell??? I need to do something nice for her today. I am going to take a nice picture of her during Bob's annual Easter breakfast and egg hunt. It's time to see the "pretty side" of her.






































































































Looks like a grandma in the making





Now for my nice deed.........A better picture of my not so bright neighbor from hell.


Nothing has changed in three years. Well, at least I tried.

SEX STARVED

The other day, it dawned on me that I'm just not getting sex anymore. I'm thinking, what should I do to change this. That same day, the answer came to me while power walking with my neighbor, she for the health effect, me just to watch the sway of her.... well I'm getting off the subject.

We met this lady walking two Jack Russell Terriers and during the course of the conversation, she said the hyper one would become less so when she gets it de-nutted or for you refined types, neutered. Eureka! There's my answer. I'm gettin' a sex change!



I've already talked to a doctor and he said with luck, I could end up looking like this....When done, I plan to pay for the operation by "SELLING MY SERVICES" on Mango Street in Wahiawa and lookin' like this, I can make lots of money. STEVE! FREE FOR YOU!

My neighbors have a name picked out for me. I will be known as "Bobarina."

Wow! I get all the sex I want and get paid for it as well. Once again...STEVE! FREE FOR YOU!!!

WHAT THE F_ _ _ _?!

The other day, I'm at my neighbor's house celebrating the third birthday of her monster twin sons and the subject of a paper cutter came up. This handy little device goes back and forth between and me on occasion, and this last time, it didn't come back. She assured me that she had returned it and I was ADAMANT that she hadn't. I remember it well because I wanted to use it one day, and it wasn't in the drawer where it is usually stored. Whatever, the paper cutter was gone.

Yesterday, I'm in a store and saw the same type of paper cutter on the shelf and bought it to replace the one my neighbor DIDN'T return. When I got home, I took it out of the wrapper and went to put it in the desk drawer. Imagine my surprise when I opened the drawer and saw the original paper cutter laying there. There can only be one explanation for this. My neighbor snuck into my house and returned it without my knowledge. What the hell else could it be???? And yes, fear of retribution prevents me from telling her that she had in fact, returned it. Who wouldn't agree after seeing her picture.....

Drug company conspiracy?

Doctor to sick patient: Here's a drug that will help with your illness.

Sick patient to doctor: The drug you gave me causes side effects.

Doctor to sick patient: Here's a drug to counteract the side effects.

Sick patient to doctor: The drug you gave me to counteract the side effects of the first drug causes other side effects.

Doctor to sick patient: Here is another drug that will take care of the side effects caused by the drug given to you to counteract the side effects of the first drug.

On and on, until finally, the patient is taking........




And ends up lookin' like this!

This is Jin Dui, chinese sesame seed balls filled with black bean sugar. My neighbor brought them over yesterday to cheer me up while I'm trying to recover from a miserable cold. I would have invited her in but didn't want her to become contaminated, so we made small talk for a short time while standing at the doorway.


Then my mind started to wander. Soon I had the Jin Dui at my chest thinking that there would be lots of women that would be happy with this.....



On the other hand, I knew I could be happy with this....


My neighbor, bless her, slowly started to back away.

NEWS FLASH!

Ol' guys with short term memory loss and beets are not compatible. I'm potty trained to go #2 in the morning, and prior to flushing this morning, I looked to admire my handywork. I swear, the view presented made it look like I had hemorrhaged internally big time. My heart started pounding and I started to run for the telephone to

Half way to the phone, I'm thinking will I have enough time to shave, comb my hair and brush my teeth before help arrives or should I call after the grooming.

Grooming won out because the fire guys are first responders and the station is just up the street.

I made a good choice because half way through grooming, my brain woke up, and I remembered eating beets the day before. All the more reason cut out the veggies and return to

HELL HAS FROZE OVER

This morning my neighbor comes to the door and knocks. When I opened the door, she jumped back and said, "Ohmygawd, you look like hell!" I hadn't got around to grooming my curly hair, so she probably was right.

"Let's walk to the farmers market to get some veggies." Yeah, right! Veggies are the first thing on my mind in the morning. I invite her in and suggest an alternate way to use up some calories, but she's not willing. Must be the hair.



"Need some time to get ready," I say. I get to the mirror and see why she got spooked.







We get to the open market, a place I'm never to be found at, and I think, why not.
So I settle on some







So now I'm standin' at the range, something I seldom do, trying to cook the beets. Took me an hour, probably because I have only one pot. Let me also say that I had beet blood everywhere. The whole time I'm saying, "This will never happen again!"

My kitchen counter went into shock because it just doesn't see this sort of stuff sitting on it.
So to all of you screamin' at me to do something about my diet....Are you happy now?!!!

NOT SUFFERIN' SO MUCH NOW

After a cold snap, it finally warmed up in Hawaii.


To celebrate, I did what I do best....

SUFFERIN' IN HAWAII

Got up this morning and piled into the car to go to the store to buy healthy food.



This is the first thing that caught my eye when I turned the key on.





Had to run back into the house to get my winter coat. What the heck.....This is Hawaii.




So much for global warming!!!