PUTTING A STRAIN ON ONE'S MENTAL HEALTH

As I get older, I find I take pleasure in doing things that make people “nuts.” More so with kids, since it is usually easy to read on their faces what is going through their minds. Something along the lines of, I wonder how long it will be before this ol’ guy goes belly up, so I don’t have to put up with his crap anymore.

Case in point. Several days ago, I called Shelby and asked her what she wanted for her birthday. I stipulated it could be anything, as long as it didn’t cost more than $40., postage included. No way I’m going to over-indulge her with a $100. gift. After some silence on her part, she says, “Send me cash.” Wow! I think, how smart is that. She figured out how to get the most bang for the buck. After a few more minutes of conversation, I ask her to remind me how much I’m to send, and she says, “$30.” Great! With a little conversation, I just saved myself ten bucks. I’m also thinking, there’s not a whole lot of Chinese in this kid.

“It’s on the way,” I tell her.

Here’s where it starts to get crazy. I get a card and write on it something along the lines of wishing her a happy birthday, and add I can’t remember what I was supposed to include in the card. Please call and remind me what I was supposed to have included. Sure enough, I get a call from her and she said in her slow precise way, “Grandpa….. you were supposed to put CASH in the card!” “Oh, silly me, how could I have forgotten that?“ The conversation lasted about a minute, and I tell her the cash is on the way.

In the next card, I thank her for reminding me about the cash I forgot to include, but also write that I’m confused and don’t quite remember how much cash I was supposed to send. Call and let me know how much I’m supposed to send. Again she calls, this time sounding a little exasperated at what she was having to go through for a few measly bucks. She admonished me and told me I was old enough to not forget these things. I may be old, but I’m having fun! Again I’m reminded to send C…A…S…H. “How much?” Here’s where the “blonde” part of her starts to kick in. “Ten to fifteen dollars,” she says. Whoopee! We went from a high of $40. to a low of ten bucks. If I keep this up, it might be possible to get the amount down to five bucks.

“Is this making you crazy, kid?

In the next card, I did include the cash. One little problem for her…I sent Canadian dollars. Yes, it wasn’t long before I received a call from Shelby, wanting to know what the hell was the matter with me.

“ARE YOU CRAZY YET, KID?