Sunday, March 25, 2007


The other day, it dawned on me that I'm just not getting sex anymore. I'm thinking, what should I do to change this. That same day, the answer came to me while power walking with my neighbor, she for the health effect, me just to watch the sway of her.... well I'm getting off the subject.

We met this lady walking two Jack Russell Terriers and during the course of the conversation, she said the hyper one would become less so when she gets it de-nutted or for you refined types, neutered. Eureka! There's my answer. I'm gettin' a sex change!

I've already talked to a doctor and he said with luck, I could end up looking like this....When done, I plan to pay for the operation by "SELLING MY SERVICES" on Mango Street in Wahiawa and lookin' like this, I can make lots of money. STEVE! FREE FOR YOU!

My neighbors have a name picked out for me. I will be known as "Bobarina."

Wow! I get all the sex I want and get paid for it as well. Once again...STEVE! FREE FOR YOU!!!

Saturday, March 17, 2007

WHAT THE F_ _ _ _?!

The other day, I'm at my neighbor's house celebrating the third birthday of her monster twin sons and the subject of a paper cutter came up. This handy little device goes back and forth between and me on occasion, and this last time, it didn't come back. She assured me that she had returned it and I was ADAMANT that she hadn't. I remember it well because I wanted to use it one day, and it wasn't in the drawer where it is usually stored. Whatever, the paper cutter was gone.

Yesterday, I'm in a store and saw the same type of paper cutter on the shelf and bought it to replace the one my neighbor DIDN'T return. When I got home, I took it out of the wrapper and went to put it in the desk drawer. Imagine my surprise when I opened the drawer and saw the original paper cutter laying there. There can only be one explanation for this. My neighbor snuck into my house and returned it without my knowledge. What the hell else could it be???? And yes, fear of retribution prevents me from telling her that she had in fact, returned it. Who wouldn't agree after seeing her picture.....

Sunday, March 4, 2007

Drug company conspiracy?

Doctor to sick patient: Here's a drug that will help with your illness.

Sick patient to doctor: The drug you gave me causes side effects.

Doctor to sick patient: Here's a drug to counteract the side effects.

Sick patient to doctor: The drug you gave me to counteract the side effects of the first drug causes other side effects.

Doctor to sick patient: Here is another drug that will take care of the side effects caused by the drug given to you to counteract the side effects of the first drug.

On and on, until finally, the patient is taking........

And ends up lookin' like this!