Thursday, January 4, 2007

BRINGING IN THE NEW YEAR

I am back from what Robin defines as "a bump in the road" and feel pretty good.

It all started while I was visiting Robin on Maui and in the process of working like a dog for my supper. In order to get out of doing manual labor, I feigned a little illness thinking it would buy me some couch time. Robin said, "Back to work or to the doctor!" I figured I'd take my chance with the doctor and

soon found myself in the arms of a couple of cute nurses. I was provided with a $20K bed to sleep on and found it most uncomfortable. However, I'm sure the tubes, wires and needles connected to my body played a part in the discomfort. But then again, the nurses were cute.


The next day I went for a ride in an ambulance to the Maui Airport but wasn't a happy camper because the driver didn't turn on the siren and flash the lights. Got loaded on an airplane that had to cost one heck of a lot more than my $39. Go! Airline return ticket. When we landed at Honolulu, there was an ambulance waiting, but I refused to get on it until the driver promised to use the lights and siren. He obliged and off we went screamin' down the highway.
Got settled in a less expensive bed with less tubes, wires,etc. Again, more cute nurses. I proposed to a couple of them, but they declined because I wouldn't provide my bank account number. The day was December 31, and I told the doc if anything happened to me before the new year, I wanted to be put on life support until one minute after midnight so I could get the income tax deduction for '06. Just wouldn't be right to live the whole year and not get a deduction.
January 1st was a great day. Two cute and I mean cute nurses came by to shave around my most prized possession for a minor procedure. When I removed my shorts, they both were startled and I swear I heard them say, "Wow, such a big one!" They spent the next 20 minutes fondling me and I was in heaven, however I did end up looking like a sheared sheep. Also for some reason, the nurses giggled the whole time. What could that have been about......


Ended up with a Chinese doctor (only one willing to work on New Year's day) and he was all smiles until I told him I didn't have any money to pay the bill. Or course, stupid me for saying this prior to the procedure. It was over in what seemed like a few minutes (probably 'cause I was in la-la land) and the next day I was kicked out and am now the proud owner of two of these:



Actually, having this happen while visiting Robin was a good thing, although I'm sure it wasn't so great for her.

If I had been at home, I'd probably still be sittin' on the couch scratching my head wondering what the hell was wrong.

6 comments:

Family said...

Wow, the nurses uniforms in Hawaii really take into account the hot weather. Are you sure that part didn't happen after you were put under?
We are glad to hear you are back to --well, normal for you. ;)

Del said...

Okay, I give! What was wrong with you? I don't know what that 'appliance' is. Are you stateside now?

Anonymous said...

del
It is a coronary stent designed to increase the blood flow through an artery. With increased blood flow, I can now cut back on the use of "Viagra."

Anonymous said...

Good on you! A semi-bionic man with a stiffy!

Anonymous said...

1-800-life alert. Look in to it.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

1-800-life alert. Look in to it.


WHY??? Isn't this a program for "Ol' People?"