LAST ONE

I'm getting to the stage of my life where I am now buying

"MY LAST ONE"

type of items. For instance, a few months ago, I replaced the roof on my house, and it's supposed to last 30 years. LAST ONE! I bought a circular saw not too long ago, and if it lasts as long as the one I replaced it with, 25 years, it will be......the LAST ONE. Besides, now that I'm hitting myself with a hammer, it shouldn't be too long before I start cutting off my fingers. So, definitely the LAST ONE.

Then the other day, I got to thinking about the bed I've been sleeping on for the past 30 years. That's right.....you read right....30 years. Is it too soon to be thinking about buying another one? I don't know much about the working life of beds, but aren't they supposed to last forever? Especially one that isn't getting a whole lot of action lately. Aw, what the hell. I made a couple hundred bucks on a stock sale not too long ago, and the money is burning a hole in my pocket, so maybe I'll spend it on a new bed. Then again, maybe I should save the money to pass on to the kids when I pop off. Kids?....Bed?....Kids?....Hmmm....The bed wins. So I take my two hundred bucks and head for the furniture store. After that, I'll go to the market with the money I have left over and buy a couple of pints of Haagen-Dazs coffee ice cream.

Well you guessed it. I was in for a rude awakening with regards to the prices of bed sets. The first set I looked at was priced at $2,400.

YIKES!!!

What the hell's going on here?!!! I don't remember beds costing this much. As I start heading for the door, a cute sales gal rolls up and offers to answer any questions I might have. "Do dancing girls come with the $2,400. bed? Maybe a butler to turn back the covers each night?" Jeez, maybe I don't need a bed after all. Well, as I said, the sales gal is cute, and I end up buying a bed. Certainly not the $2,400. one, because she wasn't that cute. And for sure this will be....the LAST ONE. She then tells me it's going to cost an extra $60. to have it delivered. Say what?!!! She's getting less cute by the minute. I tell her, "For $60., I'll carry it home on my back!" All the while I’m secretly hoping I can borrow my neighbor's truck.

I’m able to borrow my neighbor's truck and head to the warehouse to pickup the bed. The pick-up procedure was going smoothly, that is until I asked the big Samoan warehouse woman if she would be willing to lie down on the bed with me so I could check it out.

Okay Bob, start running!

Speaking of LAST ONE, I’m considering to have this post be my LAST ONE.