LEAVING DA ROCK

Leaving tomorrow on a

to fly to Oakland and will make a
connection heading to Chicago the following morning.


Wanted to veg out and spend some time watching the countryside fly by. The trip will take 52 hours to complete, so it probably will be more like the countryside "crawling" by.

I'll get into Oakland about 11pm and need to leave for Emeryville at 6am to catch the train. What to do for seven hours.....???

Went online and with a stroke of luck, was
able to find my favorite place
to stay, and it was only a mile from the airport. I called to make a reservation and asked if I could walk from the airport to the motel. The lady said, "Are you friggin' nuts? Even I wouldn't walk this area at midnight!" So I asked her how much a taxi would charge to get me there. She replied, "About $45." WTF!! $45 just to go one mile as the crow flies. So, I get the calculator out. $45. each way, not counting tip plus the cost of a $62. room, just for six hours. Hmmm...So I call the airport and ask if I could overnight at the airport. "Well, yes, but no loud snoring allowed."

BUSTED!!!

I received a telephone call a couple of days ago from my neighbor, Steve. He said he had been trying to call home for three hours, found the line constantly busy and asked if I could walk over and tell Kimi to get off the phone. "Sure, hold on," I said.

I rang the front door bell, and Kimi opened it almost immediately.


While standing there like a Cigar Store Indian holding my cell phone up, I asked her if she thought it was wise to open the door without knowing who was on the other side and shouldn't she know better than to do so.
I positioned the phone so that her dad could hear the conversation, and before she could answer, I pointed to the phone and asked her to venture a guess as to who was on the other end. She didn't know. I said, "It's your dad and he wants you off the phone right now."

I turned, headed home, and before I got out of their driveway, I heard Steve's home phone ring. I just knew Kimi was going to catch "hell."

Steve came over with a couple of beers a short time after returning home and I asked if he jumped on Kimi for opening the door. He said he read her the riot act and when he got home the next day, he was going to park up the street and test her. Good man!

Later that day, I saw Kimi and asked if she caught shit for her stupid trick. She said, "Yes." I told her in a hushed tone that her dad was going to test her the next day when he came home, so don't be stupid!

Later that next day, Steve came over, the proud father with buttons popping off his chest and said he had tested his daughter and she had passed with flying colors. I let him carry on about his parenting skills for a while before I told him I had let the cat out of the bag and told Kimi about the test.

The look on his face was a Kodak moment, and like the soup Nazi, he screamed, "NO BEER FOR YOU!"

ANOTHER YEAR.......

And the start of our year round summer. This type of shower tree is probably one of the prettiest Hawaii has to offer during this period.


Jeez...I'm gettin' mushy in my ol' age.

THEY STILL TRUST ME TO WATCH THEIR KIDS!

Did a little baby sittin' the other day and it was a piece of cake. Donavan loves to get in my truck and explore. However, just like the other kids in the neighborhood, he doesn't listen to me. In fact, he does the opposite of what I tell him to do. “Don’t lock the doors, Donavan!” He locks them. “Time to come out, Donavan!” He doesn’t. “Don’t play with the sharp tools, don’t open the paint cans and put that cap back on the container of acetone, Donavan! No, no, it’s not water! PUT THE CORDLESS SAW DOWN, DONAVAN!!!" The great thing about being confined to the truck is that I don’t have to chase him all over the place. “Unlock the door and come out, Donavan.” He looks at me and laughs. When mom came home, I told him to make sure the door was locked and not to come out. Doing the opposite, he unlocked the door, opened it and jumped out. And he thinks he fooled me....Checked to see if he had all his fingers and toes and sent him home.

MY NEIGHBORHOOD

My neighbors are the best! Besides the gal with the "tongue from heaven," I have another neighbor that can only be considered "first class" when it comes to wine drinking. I've never seen a bottle this big! I'm surprised she's still standing, because she refused to share the wine with anyone else.



A short time later, she came up missing. Went looking for her.........





This is what we found.

VIRGINIA TECH

Such a tragic loss of life. How difficult it must be for those close to the victims to have to find a way to cope with this sad event. Even more so, for the parents of the wrongdoer. For those directly confronted with this incident, let's hope the mental anguish they suffer, will subside with time.

ANOTHER EASTER SUNDAY

And once again, Bob arose from the ............bed.


Remember my neighbor from hell??? I need to do something nice for her today. I am going to take a nice picture of her during Bob's annual Easter breakfast and egg hunt. It's time to see the "pretty side" of her.






































































































Looks like a grandma in the making





Now for my nice deed.........A better picture of my not so bright neighbor from hell.


Nothing has changed in three years. Well, at least I tried.

SEX STARVED

The other day, it dawned on me that I'm just not getting sex anymore. I'm thinking, what should I do to change this. That same day, the answer came to me while power walking with my neighbor, she for the health effect, me just to watch the sway of her.... well I'm getting off the subject.

We met this lady walking two Jack Russell Terriers and during the course of the conversation, she said the hyper one would become less so when she gets it de-nutted or for you refined types, neutered. Eureka! There's my answer. I'm gettin' a sex change!



I've already talked to a doctor and he said with luck, I could end up looking like this....When done, I plan to pay for the operation by "SELLING MY SERVICES" on Mango Street in Wahiawa and lookin' like this, I can make lots of money. STEVE! FREE FOR YOU!

My neighbors have a name picked out for me. I will be known as "Bobarina."

Wow! I get all the sex I want and get paid for it as well. Once again...STEVE! FREE FOR YOU!!!

WHAT THE F_ _ _ _?!

The other day, I'm at my neighbor's house celebrating the third birthday of her monster twin sons and the subject of a paper cutter came up. This handy little device goes back and forth between and me on occasion, and this last time, it didn't come back. She assured me that she had returned it and I was ADAMANT that she hadn't. I remember it well because I wanted to use it one day, and it wasn't in the drawer where it is usually stored. Whatever, the paper cutter was gone.

Yesterday, I'm in a store and saw the same type of paper cutter on the shelf and bought it to replace the one my neighbor DIDN'T return. When I got home, I took it out of the wrapper and went to put it in the desk drawer. Imagine my surprise when I opened the drawer and saw the original paper cutter laying there. There can only be one explanation for this. My neighbor snuck into my house and returned it without my knowledge. What the hell else could it be???? And yes, fear of retribution prevents me from telling her that she had in fact, returned it. Who wouldn't agree after seeing her picture.....

Drug company conspiracy?

Doctor to sick patient: Here's a drug that will help with your illness.

Sick patient to doctor: The drug you gave me causes side effects.

Doctor to sick patient: Here's a drug to counteract the side effects.

Sick patient to doctor: The drug you gave me to counteract the side effects of the first drug causes other side effects.

Doctor to sick patient: Here is another drug that will take care of the side effects caused by the drug given to you to counteract the side effects of the first drug.

On and on, until finally, the patient is taking........




And ends up lookin' like this!