FIRST TIME FOR THIS

Whenever repairs are needed at the senior residence, I don't usually call ahead to make an appointment. I just show up because most always, the occupant is home. The other day, I knock on a door and a woman responds before opening the door, "Who is it?" Always best to be careful before opening your door to a stranger. I say, "I'm here to fix your kitchen faucet." She says, "What color is your shoes?" "Excuse me?" She replies, "Do you have on yellow shoes?"
"No I don't have on yellow shoes" and wonder if I should start running. Besides, who the hell shows up wearing yellow shoes to do repairs. She opens the door, and my curiosity kicked in. She explained that a previous repairman had been very rude to her, and after listening to her story, I had to agree. Of course, there's always two sides to every complaint. I ask, "Can you describe the repairman?" Her reply was, "He had on YELLOW SHOES!" Geez! I'm not looking forward to gettin' old.

DIET IMPROVEMENT

One of these items is supposed to be bad for you. However, I'm not able to figure out which one.
Chomp, chomp...........OH, MAMA!!!

GOT MONEY IN THE STOCK MARKET?

Here's where it's going!
Damn! Where did I put the rope.....?

Today, I walk into the local Lowe's hardware store and the first thing that confronts me is the following:
Geez! The start of October and already Santa is beckoning. Wondering why so early, I did some research, and here's an excerpt of something I found.

<<Jesus never commanded Christians to celebrate his birth. Rather, he told his disciples to memorialize, or remember, his death. (Luke 22:19, 20) Christmas and its customs come from ancient false religions. The same is true of Easter customs, such as the use of eggs and rabbits. The early Christians did not celebrate Christmas or Easter, nor do true Christians today.>>

WTF!!! It took me all these years to find this out! All the people that make themselves "nuts" during the Christmas season.....not really necessary. Just think, instead of just the "big guys" screwing our economy, the little guy now has an opportunity to play, as well. How you ask? Don't shop for xmas presents. We'll show those overpaid, under-performing CEO's along with the board of directors creating their compensation packages how to do something "first class." So there!