NOT LOOKIN' FORWARD TO GETTIN' OLD

I learned a valuable lesson today on how my choice of words can cause some undesirable results when dealing with some elderly people.

I show up for an appointment to do some repairs, and the woman tenant is old and frail. I mean really, really old!
She is underfoot while I'm trying to evaluate the repair, so to get her out of the way, I lead her to the closest chair and have her sit down.
I tell her I'll come to her if I have questions. In short order, I determine the problem and find that I need to go to the hardware store for materials. I tell the old woman I have to go to the store and ask her if she has to be somewhere else before I can return in about 45 minutes. Still sitting in the chair, she says, "No." I say, "Okay, wait right here and I'll be back as soon as possible." When I returned, I knocked on the door and waited. And waited....and knocked....and waited. Finally, I partially open the front door and yell, "I'm back!" I hear some muted response, and as I enter, I see the old woman who immediately says to me, "I didn't move from the chair. I stayed right where you told me to stay."

OMGAWD!!!

That's not what I meant!

As I'm doing the repair, I wondered how long she would have sat there had I not returned.

Man....gettin' old sucks!

QUESTION

Why would my neighbor look at me with a sense of wonder and say to me, "Bob, you're one sick puppy,"
after I stated that I like to sit in an aisle seat when I fly on an airplane, which makes it easy for me to reach out and pat a flight attendant on the ass as she walks by. Then in my defense, I can say to her that I'm old, confused, and know not what I am doing.

How could she not forgive me?

PUTTING A STRAIN ON ONE'S MENTAL HEALTH

As I get older, I find I take pleasure in doing things that make people “nuts.” More so with kids, since it is usually easy to read on their faces what is going through their minds. Something along the lines of, I wonder how long it will be before this ol’ guy goes belly up, so I don’t have to put up with his crap anymore.

Case in point. Several days ago, I called Shelby and asked her what she wanted for her birthday. I stipulated it could be anything, as long as it didn’t cost more than $40., postage included. No way I’m going to over-indulge her with a $100. gift. After some silence on her part, she says, “Send me cash.” Wow! I think, how smart is that. She figured out how to get the most bang for the buck. After a few more minutes of conversation, I ask her to remind me how much I’m to send, and she says, “$30.” Great! With a little conversation, I just saved myself ten bucks. I’m also thinking, there’s not a whole lot of Chinese in this kid.

“It’s on the way,” I tell her.

Here’s where it starts to get crazy. I get a card and write on it something along the lines of wishing her a happy birthday, and add I can’t remember what I was supposed to include in the card. Please call and remind me what I was supposed to have included. Sure enough, I get a call from her and she said in her slow precise way, “Grandpa….. you were supposed to put CASH in the card!” “Oh, silly me, how could I have forgotten that?“ The conversation lasted about a minute, and I tell her the cash is on the way.

In the next card, I thank her for reminding me about the cash I forgot to include, but also write that I’m confused and don’t quite remember how much cash I was supposed to send. Call and let me know how much I’m supposed to send. Again she calls, this time sounding a little exasperated at what she was having to go through for a few measly bucks. She admonished me and told me I was old enough to not forget these things. I may be old, but I’m having fun! Again I’m reminded to send C…A…S…H. “How much?” Here’s where the “blonde” part of her starts to kick in. “Ten to fifteen dollars,” she says. Whoopee! We went from a high of $40. to a low of ten bucks. If I keep this up, it might be possible to get the amount down to five bucks.

“Is this making you crazy, kid?

In the next card, I did include the cash. One little problem for her…I sent Canadian dollars. Yes, it wasn’t long before I received a call from Shelby, wanting to know what the hell was the matter with me.

“ARE YOU CRAZY YET, KID?

LAST ONE

I'm getting to the stage of my life where I am now buying

"MY LAST ONE"

type of items. For instance, a few months ago, I replaced the roof on my house, and it's supposed to last 30 years. LAST ONE! I bought a circular saw not too long ago, and if it lasts as long as the one I replaced it with, 25 years, it will be......the LAST ONE. Besides, now that I'm hitting myself with a hammer, it shouldn't be too long before I start cutting off my fingers. So, definitely the LAST ONE.

Then the other day, I got to thinking about the bed I've been sleeping on for the past 30 years. That's right.....you read right....30 years. Is it too soon to be thinking about buying another one? I don't know much about the working life of beds, but aren't they supposed to last forever? Especially one that isn't getting a whole lot of action lately. Aw, what the hell. I made a couple hundred bucks on a stock sale not too long ago, and the money is burning a hole in my pocket, so maybe I'll spend it on a new bed. Then again, maybe I should save the money to pass on to the kids when I pop off. Kids?....Bed?....Kids?....Hmmm....The bed wins. So I take my two hundred bucks and head for the furniture store. After that, I'll go to the market with the money I have left over and buy a couple of pints of Haagen-Dazs coffee ice cream.

Well you guessed it. I was in for a rude awakening with regards to the prices of bed sets. The first set I looked at was priced at $2,400.

YIKES!!!

What the hell's going on here?!!! I don't remember beds costing this much. As I start heading for the door, a cute sales gal rolls up and offers to answer any questions I might have. "Do dancing girls come with the $2,400. bed? Maybe a butler to turn back the covers each night?" Jeez, maybe I don't need a bed after all. Well, as I said, the sales gal is cute, and I end up buying a bed. Certainly not the $2,400. one, because she wasn't that cute. And for sure this will be....the LAST ONE. She then tells me it's going to cost an extra $60. to have it delivered. Say what?!!! She's getting less cute by the minute. I tell her, "For $60., I'll carry it home on my back!" All the while I’m secretly hoping I can borrow my neighbor's truck.

I’m able to borrow my neighbor's truck and head to the warehouse to pickup the bed. The pick-up procedure was going smoothly, that is until I asked the big Samoan warehouse woman if she would be willing to lie down on the bed with me so I could check it out.

Okay Bob, start running!

Speaking of LAST ONE, I’m considering to have this post be my LAST ONE.

ALMOST OVER FOR ANOTHER YEAR

This ladybug hitch hiker hung on for about 20 miles. Slowed down when entering a small village and it flew off. Hope it likes its new environment. Click on picture to expand it.
I'm bored. Doesn't this cloud take the form of an old bushy faced guy with a big nose getting ready to huff and puff and blow something down?
Or maybe it looks like an ol' guy barreling down the road on his motorcycle.
That's about it for Kansas. Not my most favorite for scenic views. Aaron, break out the steaks and the Haagen Dazs coffee ice cream. I don't want to hear any "Cats in the cradle crap!"

MORE PICTS

There's no order to these pictures...just pictures.
This is a popular activity in mountain streams. Looks like fun, but every once in a while, someone falls out of the raft. They're still looking for some guy who got dumped from a raft a couple of days ago.
The water is cold.
Okay Bob, put the camera down.
My eyelid did not open wide enough for the camera lens in my bionic eye to take a proper picture.

PIKES PEAK

I know there are other net sites where one can upload pictures, but I'd rather select a few from the many I have taken and post them here.
Since Cheyenne, I've spent some time in and around Fort Collins, Denver, and Colorado Springs. All very busy places with lots of traffic. The around these places are not so hectic. Estes Park and Manitou Springs with all sorts of little shops selling everything imaginable, no frills restaurants, and overrun with tourists. Oh yes, and the ice cream, fudge, and candy shops. Cripple Creek where old people go to play the slots. Black Hawk, a small community all by itself with several casinos smack dab in the middle of a mountain pass. Lots of people. I've been to CO before and saw many other sights then, but this was the first time I rode my bike to the top of Pikes Peak. Cold at the top.
Line was long getting through the fee station, but it was a great day and no rain in sight.
The road doesn't look too bad at the start.
However, several miles of it was gravel. Dry and in pretty good shape, so not too bad.
The worse part was the many, many hair pin turns and wondering if the vehicle coming down the hill was within its' lane as I rounded the turn.
One strong wind gust and it's bye, bye bike. No guard rails and just a couple of feet from the drop off. Let me see...Do I suffer from vertigo?
It is cold up here and the wind is blowin'.
I hope this bird isn't heading for me to take a dump.
A little lower down the mountainside where there are a few hiking trails. The O2 is better, as well.
I think this was a reservoir that could be seen from the top of the mountain.

EVERYBODY, GET UP!

Ah, Motel 6. Not only will they leave the light on for you, they will also provide automatic wake-up noise.

TRADING UTAH FOR WYOMING

Took a country road from Utah into Wyoming. Went over a couple of mountain passes and it was cold. Had to put on more clothes.
Break for road repair.
Trying to outrun this.

Love these low traffic country roads.